Finally awake ??

Been alone thinking for almost 1-2 months now and I think I understand... You don't need something to live on. You just need to live everyday as every other day there is nothing you NEED in life of couse apart food and drink haha... But other then that you can just treat it as it come. Well of couse it won't come to you on it own you'll have to work for it and at the end what yours is yours that for sure, the goal itself has already been set to you since you were born just depend on the yes or no Path. Sometime you been giving a choice (Yes or No) have you ever wonder what happen if you did the opposite at some time in your life ? Like me what if I never came to England ? Would this person Peter Cheng exist ? Would I have learn so much in life ? Well I think about those question a lot but now just thinking for killing time. I don't Need something in life ok maybe I want something in life but WANT and NEED is different. You need to understand want the different is otherwise you gonna get yourself confuses . So good job to those who understand it and for those who don't understand ? Well is not your time to yet sorry.

On the inside

我就像一顆洋蔥

永遠是配角戲

多希望能與你有一秒專屬的劇情

如果你願意一層一層一層的剝開我的心

你會發現 你會訝異

你是我最壓抑最深處的秘密

forgetting things, forgetting people...

woke up today...   my head hurt really bad....  i cant remember people and things...  i dont know what going on...  who Christine ? Amy ? i cant remember... dont know what going on with me...  what is my phone password ?

im trying to remember them...  im sorry i cant...

sorry...

day off...

the only day off i have for this month... done nothing other then rushing everywhere and doing work... !? what kind of day off is this !? day off still busy doing stuff !?

wake up this morning (9am) come back from hospital and then rush to the f-ing doctor waited for 3hours then is my turn then only went in there for 15mins... really tired, dont have energy to move... been feeling ill and tired...   thought i could just stay at home and sleep but i cant can i ?!?  result is in a few days time...  feeling scare... shitting myself right now... doctor said i need to do a full check up to make sure... but then i have to go back to hong kong for that...  would i leave here ??!  can i leave everything everyone behind ??  i dont know what to do... !  once i go back to Hong kong im nothing... i'll have to start everything again... learn everything again...  im really tired to think...  tired of doing stuff...  TIRED !!

2-1-2013

12 more days till the 14th... wish i everything work out between me and her... i think she the only that can relax me... she is so nice caring loving !

using all the wishes i have in my life...

bad news to start the year...

we have step in to 2013.... and yet to start the year of with a bad news...  recently i have a lump on my arm and i have a lump elsewhere too... but i had that for around 3-4 years now ? been talking to a few adult... they all say the something should get it check out just in case is cancer... great news to start the year right ?!? lol 

TBH i dont know what to do, i really scare...  going to doctor today... really scare of the result... what should i do !?!?  i know i have to check it out but i scare... !!  i dont know what to do... recently i feel really tired, weak, lack of energy, some time i can even pass out for some time... i dont even know what going on... 

Family...

C-Sor Mui 

sor mui i know you always here for me worry about me but that different then lucy caring...  i know is not all about lucy but ever since im together i started to learn a lot of things in life, things that my parents should have teach me but you know why so sor mui ah... but really thank you so mui for all the support but that got to stop...  i know what i am... I your bro will no longer be your bro anymore, take care of yourself ah !!  Happy new year !! ^^

P-sor mui
Sor mui ah sor mui. I'm not giving up I promised you don't worry but I want to face this on my own I don't want anyone worry about me I'm fine by myself. I know you told me a lot of things but that me enit lol I never listen do I !? Well not gonna listen this time too. So me you are no longer bro and sister la just friend ^^. Happy new year ah

My Lo por... Well for what I know you at this moment you still my Lo lor, still the one I love since 10-8-2012, only been loving you more not less.
I know I know you won't be reading this but I want to get it of my chest like there's a lot of things I want to tell you right now what been happening is not made up... I know we not on the same side on this argument we been having but still you don't have to believe it.. Ever since that day we been on break I been working really hard to get somewhere in life not just for you but for myself and my family I learn a lot In this month a lot more than normally... Maybe cuz involve you in it that maybe why... Well my tail less bear happy having you as my Lo por for some time you show me a lot of things that I can do if I just think positive. I'm really sorry You have to put up with me suffer all this sad times from me I'm sorry. That will no longer happen, I now know how to face things and sort it out not just by hiding I know a lot more feel like I grow up but still I need more time to keep this up... Or else I'm just that useless piece of shit that you once loved. I still love you as much as b4 having you was the best thing happen in my life really is true ^^. 🎶Every moment spend with you is the moment I treasure 🎶 seeing you having all those great time you can have with your friends and family I don't want to be the one that ruin it I don't want you to accept me again if you just doing it to make me feel better or whatever I want you to accept me cuz you want to not just for the sake of it. The 14th is in less than 2 weeks I don't know how to face you tbf but I will face you like a man whatever the answer is at the end I will take it like a man. Well I'm sure you know what going on right now but like I said you may not believe it but I'm at the doctor waiting now to be check if things don't go the good way then I will end it myself so I'm no longer your worry. I love you as always take care xXx

At the doctor right now shitting myself n really scare I don't know what going to happen... If things do go bad well don't think you guys will hear from me again Take good care of yourself ah you guys ^^. You guys are the one I love I care I worry I trust I believe in I learn from I fight with take care la

答應?

最後一班電車之後的寂靜路上, 一個人影子卻反映著兩個人的悲傷 在那一個夏天的夜晚,我立定決心以後也不再見你. 絕對,絕對不要再見. 我當時相信,只要在你身邊就可以快樂. 今夜就讓我們這樣吧,直到我不再喜歡你為止. 最後的一吻,雖只是輕輕碰到,但已經狠狠地刺傷我了. 在我決意忘掉你之前.我的愛已經滿溢了. 可以抱我嗎? 用你的雙臂 就算只餘下一秒也好 就連和你吵架 就連妒嫉你,甚至見你一面也不可以…… 說起來真的很奇怪呢, 為什麼人總是作出不可能實現的承諾? 明明早知道連著心的線,早就已經切斷了…. 你最後的說話.實在太溫柔了,令我更加心痛呢 我們兩個人都太了解對方了. 可以抱我嗎?可以躺在我胸前,讓我在母親般摸摸你的頭髮嗎? 就連在你旁邊微笑,就連睡在你身邊,就連呼叫你的名字也做不到了­… 我和你的約定,不是要切斷連著我和你的線 只是答應你,我會安靜下來吧.. 可以緊緊抱著你嗎? 用你的雙臂 就算只餘下一秒好 就連和你吵架 就連妒嫉你,甚至見你一面也不可以…… 就算多麼想見你也好, 就算不能呼吸也好. 我答應過不再叫喚你 我們約好了,所以我不會再叫喚你的…

this is copied from a friend of mine which he in the same position as me right now...  we are the same kind of people who are blinded by love... we dont know anything else apart from seeing our other half happy... we become lost in the the relationship...  we be come weak...  we dont know what to do...  we just know we love you...   please dont leave...  

A Game ?

Does anyone think life itself is like a video game ?? You as the main character, trying to complete the game(reach the highest point in your life), every quest you have in the game is like a problem in life some are easy but some not, is like there's different level of quest for your character level. When you reach a sirton level, you can only complete sirton quest( when you growing up there will be problem that you have to face even though you don't want to, you think you not ready for it or why it is you that have to sort it out !?
That the real life... there are problem for you to sort out everyday no matter what. You can't just save it for another day then go back to it when you feel like it the longer you drag on the harder it become but That don't mean if you sort out the problem fast is a good way.
There are no other way to sort out problem better than KNOW your problem, THINK about your problem, plan HOW to sort your problem then action SORT your problem ( find the quest that you want to do then learn about your quest then work on your quest then action try and complete the quest ) it look simple right ?? But how many people actually know their problem then think then plan then sort it out ?? Some may get to plan but then when it come to sort it out ? It could go wrong ?? There are no defo out come for a problem is like there are no defo reward for your quest. It don't mean you should give up though just mean try a better way to sort out the problem ? Work around your level then try to finish the quest ?
Life and video game are really alike some can master the game but can they master their life ? Can the one who master their life and master the game too ?? Who know !?

Day 5....

i havtn been speaking to her or seeing her her 5days now... im going crazy !!  i dont know what to do !!  im really confuse !!  should i look for her ?  should i let her be herself ?  what should i do !!??!?
 i dont know what to do !! ;'(   i want to talk to her but i dont want her to be annoy at me is enough that she dont trust me i dont want her to be annoy aswell... !!  i dont know what to do !!  this is killing me "!1
 so much shit happening at the same time i dont know what to do !!  i dont know how to sort it out !!  im too weak to face all this by myself, i really want her to be by myside !!  i dont know what to do !! i really want her back !!

i miss her so much !!  i want to speak to her !! i want to see her !! i want to hold her hand !! i want to tell her i love her and i mean it !  

i dont know what to do !!  please help me !  some one....!!    i only got 2 person i can fully trust but now i lose 1 i only got 1 left... !!   help me !!